Last week we talked about The Five Why’s and I mentioned we’d be learning how to get to the bottom of ANY story today. It’s important to recognize that as leaders, we can guide our employees away from work conflict by asking the right questions.
When I tell my stories, I am usually portrayed as the hero able to leap tall buildings; or the victim of how the people around me, (or the organization, the economy, the entire world) are conspiring against me. The antagonists in my life are portrayed as the villain, ones with ill intent, bent on destroying me, others, and probably striving for world domination. The villains in our life are romanticized by movie characters…Dr. Evil comes to my mind. We all have our Dr. Evils to contend with. Like Dr. Evil (who is the alter ego/evil twin of Austin Powers) our Dr. Evil is often our own alter ego.
Have you considered that we ascribe the most altruistic motives to ourselves, and the most seditious intent to others? I have yet to find someone that is intentionally seditious….ok maybe there are a couple of people that could fit that bill…but they are a small minority.
So why do we spin our stories?
Our stories serve many purposes: First they help us to interpret our world, the events around us, put some order to things and understand our role in life. However, many times when I tell my story it is to get someone to “my side”, to buy into my tale of heroism or victimization. It’s like those times when we were kids trying to win favor with Mom and Dad by setting up our sibling for blame. As adults, we are doing the same thing at work; trying to gain favor or to position ourselves as a champion.
I remember listening to the late commentator Paul Harvey and a news segment called “The Rest of the Story”. It always amazed me to hear what is behind the stories of many famous people. He would end his segment with, “and now you know the rest of the story”. We could all use more Paul Harvey to help us come to terms with “the rest of our stories”.
Take Jack who comes to tell us about Sally who isn’t pulling her weight: a classic work conflict scenario. The story shows how Jack, wearing his superman cape, is out trying to save the company with his prowess. Sally on the other hand is hell bent on bringing the company to it’s knees by her failure to deliver on her responsibilities. However, if we get past the superficial tale, we might shine some light on the rest of the story. For example, we might find that Sally is overloaded, going through a significant struggle or lost a key resource.
Here are some questions that can get us to the rest of the story:
Can you help me understand what is going on?
Can you tell me more about that?
Let’s assume the most positive intent, how might you describe the situation?
How do you think it got to this point?
What are all the things that happened up to this point?
What else might be going on?
What might Sally say about the situation?
As a leader, you can get to the bottom of any story by using the kinds of questions that ask your employees to view their situation from a perspective other one in which they play the hero. Guide your employees towards success by helping them reach the correct conclusion on their own. Odds are that Jack will leave your meeting more interested in how he and Sally can work together to accomplish the collective goal of the company if you take this approach.
Until next time,
Doug