Diffusing conflict among your employees, your peers, and even your family members requires you to lean on your leadership skills. One of my favorite “Questions of Leadership” is: Tell me more about that.
Ok, technically this isn’t a question, but it serves the same purpose. Often times someone starts telling us something about a problem, a situation, a challenge or an opportunity and we immediately jump in thinking we know what they are talking about. Worse yet, we start telling them what we think they should do. We fail to recognize that there is more to be told; more to the story and more they are waiting to say.
When we jump to quickly, cut off the other person, or fail to create the space necessary to have the conversation, not only do we deny the person the opportunity to share the story, we too lose out. This is especially important in the workplace when you’re attempting to diffuse conflict. Without giving your employees their full turn to explain a situation, you will likely lose an opportunity to use your leadership skills and guide them towards success.
There is an old joke that goes like this: “What’s the definition of a consultant? Someone that borrows your watch and then charges you to tell you what time it is.” We are all consultants at some level. We consult with our children, our friends, our coworkers and our customers. When we stop and listen, we actually get much more from the conversation. We learn! Then – if and when the time comes to provide feedback – we are actually much smarter and able to provide better input. You can see how valuable this is when it comes to conflict management.
Asking someone “can you tell me more”, demonstrates that we value the other person. We tell them that we are listening; we give them time and space to share their story. We are telling them that they are important enough to listen to and what they have to say is important. In this way, it builds self confidence.
Next week, we’ll dig further into the “Tell me more about that” theory. I’ll share examples of more questions you can use in these scenarios.
Until next time,
Doug