Last week we began discussing a technique I teach to diffuse conflict. Using the “Tell Me More About That” technique helps us as leaders, spouses, friends, parents, and more. This week, let’s keep building on that topic:
One of my axioms is: “There is always MORE TO THE STORY”. No matter how hard I try, how many questions I ask, or how long I’ve known someone, I continue to be surprised that there is always MORE TO THE STORY. You may never know the whole story, you may only see a fraction of what is really happening…and that might be okay. However, to make better decisions we often need more information. When we miss critical parts of the story, we have risk. Our employees may be great story tellers; stories may have a beginning, an end, some humor, some drama and maybe some tears. In the end, it is just that, a story. That story might be close to actual reality or it could exist in an alternate reality! However, that story is never the mirror of full reality.
Take a scenario where John comes into complain about Joe. In this story, John is going to clearly be the hero and Joe might be portrayed as the embodiment of the devil himself. John can probably lay a clear case for how Joe has wreaked havoc on the company. However, unless we probe John to tell the story, we might miss some important facts. More importantly, we have done a disservice to John because we haven’t utilized our leadership skills and given him the chance to see the whole story. A leader who does not use the “Tell Me More About That Technique” essentially leaves the story-teller visually impaired, allowing him to see ONLY his side of the story. That visual disability will stay with him and negatively affect Joe, you, and your company.
Here are different questions of leadership that fall under this technique:
Can you help me understand . . .?
Can you tell me more?
Is there more you can share about that?
Are there more pieces to the puzzle?
Can you say more?
What else?
So tell me the story. (This is also not a question but it will work like one)
Until next time,
Doug