Here are leadership qualities almost every leader has, including me, that sometimes work against us:
When someone tells us their woes, we immediately want to jump in and save them. We do this because we want to tell them what to do and how to do it. We do this because we don’t want them to struggle the same way we struggled. We do this because we want to feed our ego. We do this because we want to look like the smartest person in the room.
Am I wrong? It’s a trait nearly every leader possesses; it’s not a bad thing because it helped us get where we are. But keep this in mind:
If something needs to happen, and the person isn’t just bitching for the sake of bitching, put the outcome back on them by using questions.
We are not doing this to punish them. That is where the solution belongs, with the other person. Yes, there are situations where you may need to get involved and even take responsibility for an issue, but before you do, make sure the other person has taken some ownership first. Otherwise you have continued to allow others to assume that the solutions to their problems are outside of themselves. This builds and perpetuates a victim mentality where people don’t feel they have control over their lives.
You may be thinking…what if the outcome is not possible? Let’s say a sales person is trying to close a deal and wants to quote a better price, a number less than the company can offer. Don’t jump in and dispute their outcome even though you know it cannot happen. Instead, get them to describe it, and ask questions. We are, for the most part, reasonable people, so getting someone to talk about the unlikely can result in that person rationally coming to the outcome themselves. Conversely, by asking a few questions, you might find there is a way to get to the result a different way. You might be surprised that you might not be the smartest one in the room.
Using the example of the sales person wanting a price that is too low, ask them, “Given that our floor price is $X, how can we accomplish the customer’s goal without giving away our service?” Now instead of saying no, you are talking about other possible solutions.
The following are a few outcome based questions that will get the other person thinking and ultimately help them take ownership of the solution. Consider how you can turn these leadership qualities into positives without having to re-train yourself.
What outcome are you trying to create?
What do you want from our conversation?
Where do you want to go with this?
What would you if anything were possible?
What would you do if you had the ultimate decision?
Remember, it’s necessary for leaders to be fulfilled by helping the team. Oftentimes, the best way to help is to provide guidance so the team can help themselves.
Until next time,
Doug
If you missed my earlier Questions of Leadership installments, check them out now!
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